Broken hearts

It is amazing how quickly things can turn around. One minute you can be happy and excited about an upcoming event and then it can quickly become one of the hardest events in your life. Rodney and I are facing that right now. I was hoping this would be a post letting everybody know that we had been able to adopt a beautiful baby boy, but unfortunately we can't say that. We had been contacted by a birth mother back in January about us possibly adopting her son. We met several times, went to doctor's appointments and got to know her and the baby's condition. He has a serious heart condition that will require many surgeries, and after lots of prayer and fasting, we decided that we would accept the placement. We got the call from the birth mom last Sunday (March 1st) that her water broke and they would deliver the baby that night. She asked us to be there so Rodney could give him a blessing. We got to see him that night and he looked perfect. We were so excited to become his parents. We saw him the next day but I couldn't go in on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. I had a bad sore throat and I didn't want to go in the NICU if I was sick. Rodney went in though and would bring home updates and pictures. Papers were supposed to be signed on Friday but then at lunch I called Rodney to find out what was going on and even though he didn't want to, (I asked him if she was going to keep the baby)he told me the birth mom had called him and said she was unable to go through with the placement. She said she just couldn't give him up (which is understandable. I can't imagine having to make that decision). My heart shattered. I went in my asst. Principal's office for some privacy and I lost it. Rodney called my mom to tell her and ask her to come to school to make sure I was okay. Luckily I had a sub in my classroom so I could do testing so I didn't have to teach that afternoon, I just had to do one on one testing so I was able to make it through with out losing it. Even though both of us are having a hard time, we have found some positive things from this experience. By being sick, I probably didn't get as attached as I could have. We are also more open to accepting a child with medical issues than we were before. We are also closer as a couple. We also found how truly supportive and loving our families are and how protective they are. My dad actually called family services to make sure we were immediately put back on the list to be considered for other adoptions. A little embarrassing, but very thoughtful. I think the hardest thing for us is to know how close we were to actually being parents, and now not knowing how long it will be till we have that opportunity again. We are still tearful at times but we are getting through this (staying busy really helps). Just keep us and others who are trying to adopt in your thoughts and prayers in case you ever meet someone considering adoption. You never know whose lives it could bless.